Getting Back

54 degrees and sand in your ears.
Cracked lips despite a ton of lip balm.
Smelling diesel and drilling mud.
Drinking like a million soft drinks a day.
June wasn't exactly peaceful.

Home has never felt better. * sigh *

Don't Judge Me

Formas de Amor

In taking your parents for granted.

In the tears and smiles that your memories bring.

In the support you've got when you never expected it.

In the understanding you hope for when you're in love.

In the happiness you share just knowing friends.

Forms of love that we understand. Only you and I.

Written in Pink

Loud music played at the open-air cafe. Walking out of the 13-floored building, we took a look around us to take in the essence of the cold Bangalore night. A 40-something man in a T-Shirt that had a caricature of Lennon with "Imagine" scrolled under it, reading a book, sipping coffee. A couple holding hands, sharing a single large cup of cappuccino and a sandwich between them. Bigger groups sitting around tables talking, laughing loudly, some throwing straws around the table.

And then a little girl, four feet tall, hair plaited, nail colour cracked, with a thin and inadequate-looking brown sweater wrapped around her, standing at the gates. In her hands she held a bunch of roses and a faded white plastic cover with something-TEXTILES printed on it. Under the bright streetlight, the weight of the building in front of her made her seem smaller than the little thing she was, the darkness of the evening making it way past the bedtime of any other child her age.

"Bhaiyya, buy a rose please." We looked at each other and then at her. "How much for one?" I asked. She streched out the bunch to me. "Buy them all no bhaiyya, then I can go home also." There was something in her voice that melted our hearts. "OK, how much for all of them?" We smiled at her. Her eyes suddenly lit up, the prospect of an early trip back home and the warmth and joy of sleep suddenly in front of her.

"One, two, three..." we watched her count every rose to the end "... eighteen. One rose is ten rupees... so eighteen... umm... (frantic calculation with her fingers lest us prospective customers lose interest and walk away)... 180 rupees bhaiyya." She thrust them out to us as we handed her the money. "Thank you bhaiyya!" There was no scream of joy in her voice, no childish reaction of having finished the day early, but we sensed the gratitude. In that one impulsive moment I wanted to lift her up and swirl her above the top of my head, and hear her laugh out loud with nothing holding back her five or six years.

I didn't do that, but in the next half an hour of a rickshaw ride back home, with the eighteen pink roses clutched in one of our hands, we both knew it was the perfect end to the best day we'd had in almost two years.

Without You

I'm learning to live without you now

But I miss you sometimes

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again

I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter

But my will gets weak

And my thoughts seem to scatter

But I think it's about forgiveness

Forgiveness,

Even if, even if there's no reason anymore.

- Eagles, The Heart of the Matter

Citrus Fresh

Dressed in sunshine

Kissed by rain

Meadow green

and orange spray.

Home Coming

Cuz everything I want - is everything that's here
And when when we're all together - there's nothing to fear
And wherever I wander - the one thing I've learned
It's to here - I will always return

From Bryan Adams's This is Where I Belong

The 6th of December

Have you ever woken up one morning and felt nothing can go wrong? Not just on that day... EVER. Felt that everything is beautiful/perfect the way it is, and that was NOT because of the colour of the morning sky or the great day that's ahead of you. Decided that NOTHING would make you unhappy, not as a resolution for the next one week... for EVER. Realized that forever is not really that long a time, and for life as you know it now it's probably too short for you. In that one minute when you've just woken up, in those twenty four thoughts that have changed your every day since then, you finally feel you know yourself more than you ever did before.

Today, I woke up to that morning.

Thin Red Line

There's a thin line between friends and acquaintances. Love and not-so-much love. Happiness and thoughtfulness. Enthusiastic and disinterested. Perfect and never-good-enough. Impressive and hard-to-please. Sensible and weird. Logic and speculation. Understanding and amateur. Smooth and difficult. Forever and doubtful. Talks and acknowledgements.

If better was then and worse is now, you've probably crossed the line called Expectation.

Learning to Say No

Hear the request. Wait for a maximum of four seconds. Look up and say you can't do it.

If you wait any longer you're either going to say Yes or a horribly apologetic version of a No, you'll wish you were a thousand miles away in an empty beer barrel weighted down with an iron ball and sinking to the bottom of the sea when the question was asked.

A Hundred Racecars

"I don't want to play your stupid game!" Kevin had that pout on his lips and his hands on his hips which meant he was not happy at all. The little girl he was staring at was sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking at her dollhouse she had just set up in the middle of their playroom. Her face was red and her hands were shaking a little, and Kevin knew she was about to cry. He hated seeing that.

Still with the pout and his hands on his hips he turned around and stomped down the stairs to the living room. Dad was watching the basketball playoffs. He tried to look sulky, so that Dad would ask him what was wrong. That's how he always got to tell him what he felt.

"What happened Kevin?" This was the time. He had to make sure he got it right the first time. "I hate Susan! I HATE her!" "Why, what did she do this time?" Dad was still focused on the game. "She's always doing things her way, Poppa! She's taking up all my space!"

"But she's just four years old, Kev. She's your little sister... don't you want her to be happy?" Kevin was still sulking. "Mmm yea I guess. But I don't want to drink tea with her stupid dolls... I want to race my car!" Dad turned down the TV volume all the way. "Come here, sit with me."

"You're 7 now, Kev. When I was your age, I didn't have someone younger to take care of..." "Hmph, lucky you!" Kevin pouted his lips even more. Dad laughed softly. "It's wonderful to keep someone happy, Kev. It's the best thing in the world. Just that sometimes you have to understand, that to put her happiness first, you'll have to put yours second. But imagine how you'll feel when you see her happy." Kevin stopped pouting and looked at Dad "Really Poppa?"

"Can I play House with you Susan?" Kevin was standing in front of the dollhouse where Susan was still arranging her little tea cups on the dinner table. Susan didn't look up. Her pretty face was still moist. "But you hate dolls. And you hate House!"

"You can make me like it, Su."

In the bright red glow of the setting sun that filtered through the Plexiglas window, in the little smile that Susan had when she turned her face up and looked at him, Kevin felt happier than racing a hundred cars.

n Weddings and a Crazy Poem

Hold me tender, kiss me true

Know my sweetheart I love you

Tell me with a voice so true,

Tell me that you love me too!

.

When two thousand miles away

This knotty news it comes my way

I find it tough just to believe

How fast the years they come and leave!

.

I wonder how soon it will be

Before this news will regard me

The thought is scary, as of today

I hope that day's far far away!

.

Yet I love the news, I love it now,

That buddies who their love have found

Have chosen right and chosen true

My blessings always are with you!

.

~ Everyone's getting married!

Happyness

In your pocket money you saved to buy your first bicycle. In the phone call to an old friend after eleven months. In the movie that brings tears to your eyes. In the smell of the earth the first rain brings. In the hug you give your parents when you return home. In your manager's appreciation for a job well done. In your first ever copy of The Secret Seven. In that chicken recipe you got right the first time. In the cricket match that was won on the last ball. In the realization that God's out there somewhere. In your first paycheck you hold in your hand. In a relationship that's lasted over five years. In the unexpected upgrade to business class. In waking up in the morning after that magical dream. In the Calvin strip that made you smile.

Somewhere along the way in the pursuit of happiness, we all get to have our moment.

Counting to 10

10. Is it really worth it?

9. Are you thinking only from your point of view?
8. Is this going to help you in any way?
7. Are you being fair to the other person?
6. Is it something you would’ve done and not worried about?
5. Do you think you deserve so much attention?
4. Will things get better or worse with an explanation later?
3. Is there any sense in the way you feel?
2. Do you know that life doesn’t always have to be perfect?
1. Are you even thinking?

0. Get over it. It’s never worth it.

Lines and Circles

Life goes on. I've said that like a million times and I still do. But somewhere I know it's really not true. At least it's not entirely true. Most of the time it's just time that goes on. Life just seems to go on because of the relativity. With life, you're probably still where you were a week ago. Or a month ago. Whatever. And usually it's not one of those It always comes around kind of situations. It's a feeling like when you visit the same place again. Sometimes it's a place you like, sometimes you'd rather not be there. But you're still there is the thing.

Like you're running down an endless road, but the sights around you are those you've seen before. The endlessness just tells you you'll be seeing them again. And then you're just looking for a side lane. Not because you're tired of the road, but because you're tired of the sights.

Quote Unquote

Faith in God is like drilling an oilwell. There's nothing to make you see and believe, you just hope you've got your calculations right.

Sticky Numbers

1234 – The only reason I was spiritual so far from home

2212 - For a freshers' period like no other
3201, 2214, 3215 – For a prof who revived my dying love for Math
3245 – One year that made a lot of right decisions for me
221 – For 12 guys and the simplicity of being friends
115, 116 – Partners in crime, in good times and bad
123, 124 – Two heavy drinkers whose rooms were the perfect refuge the night before a test
224, 113 – The happy well-fed guy whom I’ve irritated more than everyone else put together
2158 – For the best sams and sweet lassis around
2160 – For late nights, burning eyes, crazy conversations and mild steel rods
5101 – For the only course I truly understood during my CDCs

All Good Things

I'll always remember -

- sleepy mornings in classroom 15
- going around France for 6€ a day
- the joy of being under 26
- evenings at 502
- complaining for no reason at all
- the tortilla chips & guacamole combo
- Ratatouille and Amélie
- 6 weeks and 11 friends

All good things have to end sometime. :)

Yours and Mine

You and I in this beautiful world
Green grass, blue skies in this beautiful world
You and I
Winding lanes as streams go by

You and I in this beautiful world

- From Hutch's You and I

Beyond Reason

A silent tear in a shattered sky.
An unsure walk through a foreign street.
A day that gives you no excuse.

For you my friend, I pray for strength.